Gentlemen Prefer Breadwinners
Expectations on women have really gone through the roof in the past few decades. There comes a time in every twenty something's life. The time when you start seeing marriage photos and engagement posts and even, dare I say it… entire Facebook pages for newborn babies! That time for me started this year as I turned 25. Now this could be a quarter life crisis talking, but I feel almost like I’m going through puberty part two. I have all these feelings I can’t explain, my body is changing, and everywhere I feel this heavy pressure from all sides to grow up and shack up. Fortunately though, prepubescent me wasn’t also expected to pay my own bills at the time.
The biggest problem I had going for me back then was being rejected from the school talent show for my “Fergalicious” dance number. Now I have rent, work, house-keeping and a bigger circle of friends to keep up with. Oh, and an added bonus of a global pandemic that threatens to take my livelihood.
Winter is coming, the season of couples, cuddling and in my case, as a single twenty-something, the season of hot coco and old movies. I pop in an old favorite featuring 1960s super idol Marilyn Monroe, Gentlemen Prefer Blonds. I’m both delighted and troubled mulling over its implications. This character study focuses on Lorelei and her friend Dorothy, a blond and brunette with two differing life philosophies. Lorelei is a blindly ambitious woman with an intense craving for diamonds. Dorothy, on the other hand, is interested in looks and garnering the romantic attention from as many men as possible. There is a famous song and dance Marilyn does in a pink dress and in the end they all get hitched! These charismatic showgirls were the girl bosses of their era, both owning their powers in one of the only ways possible at the time, marrying well. It was both inspiring and shocking because of how society looks at a character like Lorelei. Even the other characters in the movie look down on her, and she's literally criminalized till the end of the film. Never mind the fact that at the time, there was no other career than being a very very successful showgirl that would afford her diamonds. As a character, she is to be disregarded as a shallow and frivolous girl.
The term “Gold Digger” has become synonymous with Lorelei’s character and we’re meant to reject such a greedy mentality and yet she is one of the most referenced characters in all of cinema history. Similar icons like Anna Nicole Smith, who suffered from almost criminalizing similarities to the character, proudly dawned the pink dress along with about 24 other stars. In the 80’s we get “Material Girl” by Madonna. We see the meaning of it change and now we can surmise that Madonna, herself, is earning enough to get these materials! Twenty years later, we get an icon the likes of which the world had never seen, Paris Hilton, who also wore the signature pink dress in solidarity with the ambitious women of the past. The twist is, she herself has never been married. Her ambition has earned her 300 million and she’s done it all while still carrying some of the same stereotypes they used on Marilyn. She’s blond, materialistic, and perceived as air-headed. People have belittled her success just as they belittled Lorelei. (If you can’t tell, I also watched her new documentary, which I recommend) Then almost twenty years later we have Kylie Jenner sporting the look on Halloween, complete with red stairs for the photoshoot.
She’s part of an entire family of monetarily motivated women whose plan is to literally take over the world and they’ve gotten pretty close to succeeding. Still, there are people who doubt their intelligence. Of course there are factors of privilege involved, but there usually is with people of such influence and in most cases their fortunes are compounded on by such enormous factors thanks to their sheer will and strategy. Belittling these women who have ambitiously earned themselves a seat at the forefront of every industry imaginable is, quite frankly, a bit sexist. Any male smart enough to use their platform like this would be regarded as a brilliant business mogul. These women, however, more closely identify with this character played by Marilyn Monroe.
I propose the outgoing gold digger and the ambitious women of the 21st century are in fact one in the same. Us modern women just have many more tools at our disposal. Or is ambition just a euphemism for that greedy materialism we are supposed to find unbecoming in a woman?
Well, let’s take a look at the alternative to the Marilyn archetype; the Jackie. The real life comparison between Monroe and Jackie O Kennedy began to become somewhat of a standard to describe all women. Men still to this day use these categories, one being a promiscuous flirt and the other being a pious composed wife.
We have many influential women under the latter category. Most of them are political celebrities aside from Martha Stewart. I was going to stick strictly with women who grew to fame not for their profession but for their entanglements. Martha might be a stretch, but she did get her famous last name from her marriage to Andrew Stewart. Not to mention she is best known for her homemaking skills, very Jackie of her.
Additionally there was no greater celebrity wife than Princess Diana and although her marriage did end in divorce, her activism, glamor, and prowess as a mother and role model cemented her legacy. We value Michelle Obama and the stability of her marriage and her commitment to family and feminine values. It is undeniable that their roles as figures have been highly influential, and technically the craft they are famous for is offering their supportive energy, dutiful attention and admirable qualities. How, I ask internet trolls of the past twenty years, is that different from what “The Marilyn” offers in exchange for diamonds?
The truth is, the world watches both of these women lead glamorous public lives. They make us laugh, cringe or cry, and they share intimate details of their lives sometimes without a choice. In almost every case they end up sacrificing their own relationships, happiness, and even their livelihoods. They teach us a bit more about ourselves and a lot more about the opinionated folk who seem to have strict opinions on what women are allowed to do for money and status. They help us make better decisions in our lives and find true value in the nurturing and social skills society has begged us to develop. They inspire us to ask for diamonds and know that we are worth every penny. They make us see that men will always ask, are you a Jackie or a Marilyn? In other words, are you Madonna or a whore? They might as well ask, are you a wife to possess or a woman to tame? Can we not agree for all that they do they deserve diamonds for Christmas? Or are they supposed to provide support and emotional labor in exchange for mere recognition?
Successful unmarried women who’d rather be sugar mamas or at least go dutch don’t fit either of these categories. They end up defaulting to the very relatable Marilyn. Despite their financial independence, these women I’ve mentioned have all experienced the same intense pressure to marry. Kim Kardashian-West before the West, now worth 780 million, was rushed into a marriage with Kris Humphries back in 2011. She was quoted later explaining her reason for committing to what would turn out to be a very temporary union:
“At the time … I just thought, ‘Holy s–t, I’m 30 years old, I better get this together. I better get married.”
Even one of the most influential women on the planet is not immune to the societal pressure to have a fairytale love story. In most cases, they’re not considered fully successful until they’ve bagged a man who improves their standing. These “Millionairesses” are expected to maintain the growth of their empire and prove to the world they are brands to be reckoned with, all the while simultaneously finding and keeping a high profile husband. Both pursuits, making your own money and marrying well require unfathomable effort! Many of us mere mortals struggle with the same juggling act in their daily lives without the added help being rich. We expect girl bosses to have it all; the career isn't nearly as impressive if they had to sacrifice their love life. Society might question their status as an admirable woman, after all what kind of cold hearted monster chooses their ambition over love and family?
Many famously successful women have tried to have it all, managing to secure a name for themselves and eventually a husband as well. Eventually they experience marital problems and often cite the cause to be their standing as more successful than their partners. Their husbands and life partners cannot deny their narrow perception of women as either a committed wife or an overly ambitious flirt. Women can’t possibly be both in their heads because being a wife requires too much time, energy and patience. As always, these self sufficient women over 25 stand as a confusing threat to men and proprietors of traditional values. This begs the question, why is it so hard for us to be happy for these successful women? Why aren’t we calling Donald Trump, or the Winklevoss twins, or Kevin Federline amoral, materialistic men?
I contemplate this female dilemma the entire movie, and am shocked out of my downward spiral of anxiety by an exchange at the end. Lorelei is ridiculed once again for her shameless money motivated engagement and Marilyn’s response, the last line of the movie, is this,“Don’t you know a man being rich is like a woman being pretty? You might not marry her just because she’s pretty, but by God doesn’t it help?!”
I see the double standard for what it really is, a clear admission that we are more comfortable as a society valuing women for their looks, something that is circumstantial and out of our control, rather than our person’s ability to acquire wealth. Men used to be categorized back then too; they were either a penniless fool or an established gentleman. Now, it is uncouth to judge a man based on such merits as work ethic or social status. Women continue to be prized in society for their ability to arouse men upon being seen and this is considered valid. Looking hot on Instagram is, again, a legitimate profession. No one accuses these women of being vain or shallow. No one is surprised when they end up dating a Kennedy or Scott Disick. This is capitalism baby, and I’m tired of acting like money is no object when it comes to the pursuit of marriage.
Today, the number one most popular role for women is an administrative assistant, a euphemism for secretary. In addition to being expected to present themselves as an acceptable offering for the pool of available bachelors, they’re also expected to be successful all on their own. Even though women have more options now, they continue to be encouraged to fill these low paying supportive roles. Now, in the pandemic of 2020, corporate offices have closed all over the country and the need for such administrative assistant is no more. In general our options for work have been significantly impacted. Back in the 1950s, these women would have been able to default to their partners income, but people aren’t getting married like they used to. Men have a reluctance to put a ring on it, and women have a reluctance to expect financial support from their partners. Even Meg Thee Stallion, a modern empowering figure has a song “Rich” explicitly saying she’d never rely on financial help! She can afford her lifestyle with her own earnings! Most women are striving to get to that point, the agency of being your own patron, and the freedom of being a single hot girl.
Well, I don’t know about you ladies, but I’m going to expect diamonds in my stocking this Christmas. Don’t judge me, Meg, gift giving is my love language!
Kay is a Los Angeles resident DIY girl. Her creative streak runs through many mediums. When she is not writing or crafting custom furniture, she is making music or Etch-a-Sketch art. She hopes to one day write comedy in Hollywood or New York, but for now she just makes memes.
