it’s a party

With the first month of the fresh hell that is 2021 behind us, the century becomes old enough to drink and buy cigarettes (yes you have to be 21 to do so in the United States nowadays). I’ve been reflecting more and more on the nature of time and its ability to change things, for instance, the definition of a political party. As Joe Robbinette Biden takes the reins, ready to lead us into the century’s very first quarter life crisis, we start to feel the winds of change, and suddenly we can taste the spirit of it. We’ll have to listen closely, and keep a wary eye on congress to figure out what it brings. It pains me to admit, but we’ll also have to pay closer attention to the nefarious extremists of the right, like Alex Jones, who went as far as to fundraise a disruptive event meant to derail the infant Biden Administration. As off putting as it is to listen to radicals, we’ll have to if we are to smoke out the domestic terrorists.

I used to have a history teacher that referred to himself as a “classic libertarian.” Now I, along with the rest of the student body, thought the world of this teacher. He was the type to use funny voices when impersonating even the most serious of historical figures to a room full of high schoolers and still get the right kind of laughter. So, imagine my shock when I looked up the definition of this seemingly liberal sounding party affiliation only to find that it’s actually just a euphemism for uber-capitalist republican. I was spun, hurt, conflicted to say the least. My family had always identified as liberal, and conservative was damn near a dirty word in our house. However, my mother would watch Bill Maher and at the tender age of 11, I would join her and wonder why she wouldn’t flinch when he criticized liberals and the democratic party. “What party is he,” I remember asking in genuine frustration. “I don’t know, I just like what he says,” she replied. (Coincidentally he used to identify as a libertarian, same as my high school teacher!) Now, this “classic libertarianism” doesn't really exist as a party today except on the fringes of folks who are republican but refuse to claim its racist associations. They live in a fantasy, a time when republicans were the heroes of this wild frontier, a time gone with the wind. 

Turns out both parties have changed so much we’d recognize them as backwards today. The term “liberal” used to mean free capitalism, before such advocates became aware of the cost of such rampant freedom for corporations. Someone proclaiming to be one might be an advocate for lower taxes and higher tariffs on imported goods. John C. Calhoun, the famous war-hawk nationalist, was an identified democrat and yet a fervent anti-federalist. Back then it was the Whig party that had the moral high ground, championing equal rights and cautioning their liberal allies at the commercial implications of their model. I wonder if liberals of the 19th century are rolling over in their graves every time folks from their like-minded party use the term as part of a popular insult! 

Republicans have come a long way as well. The Republican party was originally founded on the platform of abolishing slavery. A majority of its members came from the Whig party and were therefore advocates of equal rights. I also wonder how many clansmen roll over in their graves when they go to meet their maker and its Abraham Lincoln, judging with worn but devastated eyes. 

So what does this have to do with Alex Jones and gay frogs? Well, let me tell you! Jones, host of InfoWars, a popular conservative podcast, is a sardonic fan favorite amongst liberals. Memes have been made, laughs have been had over his crazy conspiracies and red faced rants, but gosh darn it I couldn’t help but listen to the message behind one of his most infamous quotes, “I’m tired of them putting chemicals in the water that turn the friggin’ frogs gay,” and become a little bit concerned. One internet hole later and I’m sorry to report, this wild, ridiculous sounding claim actually contains a very important nugget of truth. Syngenta, a manufacturer of pesticides, you know the things that soak into the skin of our produce, produces and sells a chemical called atrazine. Its effects have been tested on amphibians in 55 different trials, and almost all of them found the chemical to have hermaphroditing effects. Meaning, 9 times out of 10 it turns frogs into hermaphrodites. Sigh, okay are you back from googling it? Crazy right? I know the one trial that didn’t find a similar result was from a lab funded by Syngenta, what a coincidence the EPA decided to use that study to base its safety rating on. What scares me more than a government branch in charge of public health being paid off to favor the manufacturer, is that it's Alex Jones from Infowars that is telling me this! Republicans stand for less government regulations, don’t they? Free capitalism, no? This potentially preservationist message comes from the same guy who claims environmentalists are “little-Hitlers” hoping to convince everyone of a lie and take over the planet. If we have to rely on this monster of a man for pertinent information, we are in big trouble. If we refuse to listen to anyone who goes against what is widely accepted as fact, we are also in big trouble.

Now to circle back I’d like you to listen to Joe Biden’s speech again. Try to listen hard for any condemnation of the hatred and violence we have been subjected to these past four years. His speech was at the least, slightly sympathetic to the audience of racist anarchists paranoid about an imagined Antifa coup. He said very little about those who have suffered due to systemic negligence and said nothing of a new era dawning. The Democratic party has enjoyed infallibility being the party of humanitarians and scientists, but they’re also the party of some very “free capitalist” people. Classic Libertarians if you will. They won’t be racist up front, but they’ll silently steal money for years and then get mad when some RobinHoods try to get in on the action. In my opinion, Biden has to do more to separate himself from this type of “libertarian.” If Biden isn’t careful in his term, he will go down as being more of a Republican president, and not the good kind that abolished slavery. Or perhaps by the time this is all down in history books we’ll be calling them Republicrats. Stranger things have happened. 

It’s been an odd century so far, I think we all can agree on that at least. It started off with a conspiracy of computer driven armageddon, then tragedy struck and war was initiated, and now the world slows to a crawl as if it's running out of battery. We’re now faced with what comes next, I think we’ll all do well to remember to stay vigilant, trust no politicians, and invest wisely. 

The pendulum swings in American politics, and if you’re not careful to listen to policy over party, you might eventually end up on the wrong side. 

Kay is a composer of stories, songs, and screenplays. This Los Angeles copywriter is a renaissance woman, classically trained with a cosmopolitan focus. She is a lifelong scrapbooker and has a knack for rendering images on an Etch-a-Sketch.