Sleepless in sanity
The last four years have been an unbreakable fever dream, gradually worsening as time mercilessly stretches by.
While I sit here and read, “Ways To Make Sure Your Vote Gets Counted!” I feel the usual knot in my stomach tighten. We are living in a dystopia. I think this at least once a week. It sounds dramatic, until I realize I’m reading one of the many lists on how to navigate the Presidential election being publicly sabotaged by the President of the United States, Russia, Iran, China, and various breeds of #ProudBoys and Karens who are willing to destroy their own democracy, eyes and hearts wide open.
I’ve met a new psychiatrist. I bumped up my anti-depressants and started taking anti-anxiety medication.
What’s going on? We’re sliding into a dictatorship, repeating history, but this time we’re on the “wrong side.” Yet, as I grow older and learn more truths about the world, I realize we were always the villains. I take this down with the other pills.
I’ve looked into New Zealand citizenship. There are a few different visas you can apply for.
In Southern Los Angeles, Republicans approved the sites of unofficial ballot boxes. The illegal boxes were placed in political offices, campaign headquarters, even churches, across Los Angeles, Fresno, and Orange County. On October 12th, the GOP admitted that it owned the fake ballot boxes and defended their actions. The state sent cease-and-desist orders to the three counties, and the boxes were removed on October 19th.
I’ve been breaking out. Sometimes, I’ll put toothpaste on a pimple.
In California and Massachusetts, fires were set inside of legitimate ballot boxes, destroying over 135 ballots. On October 18th, someone set a newspaper on fire and dropped it in a ballot box in Baldwin Park, C.A. Firefighters had to pry the box open and salvage any undamaged ballots. Over 100 ballots were burned. A few days later, a man set a fire inside of a ballot box outside of the Boston Public Library. This subsequent attack destroyed 35 ballots and launched an FBI investigation.
My hair’s been falling out. More so than usual, I mean.
In Florida, a federal judge denied the motion to extend the deadline for voter registration. He made this decision despite a computer meltdown on the final day of registration, preventing potentially thousands of voters from participating in the election. Of course, this occurs in conjunction with the crucial swing state’s consistent, rampant, racist voter suppression every presidential election.
I’m delighted to choose the head-kisser over the pussy-grabber. It fills me to the brim with joy, in my second time voting for President, to have such extraordinary choices. Maybe soon I’ll tell my kids—who I’ll be forced to have—about the last time I ever voted.
100 years was enough for women. Enough for white women, at least, so we could fuck it up for everyone.
Amy Coney Barrett was just appointed as Supreme Court Justice. A woman, who would not have been able to vote a century ago, is now on the highest court of law. A white woman, a self-proclaimed “originalist” who would not have even been able to attempt to cast a vote according to the ‘original’ Constitution, will now use the power—which was granted to her by her progressive foremothers—to strip the rights of fellow women, queer folx, people of color, non-Christians, and all those who lie at the intersections.
She was appointed two weeks before the presidential election. She replaced Ruth Bader Ginsburg, whose dying wish was to have her successor named by the next president.
And the pandemic! How could I forget, even for a moment? I hold my breath everyday and hope that no one I care about is sick. I’m lucky that no one I know has died. But even that thought—why should that be a thought? Why should I or anyone else think that?
This country has fatally mismanaged this pandemic. To date, over 225,000 Americans have died from coronavirus. There have been over 8.7 million COVID-19 cases in the U.S. As the pandemic raged on over the summer, Trump pulled the U.S. out of the World Health Organization, discredited Dr. Anthony Fauci’s advice, and labeled this disease as the “China Virus.”
I remember in March when the streets of Manhattan were lined with giant, makeshift, refrigerated morgues because there weren’t enough hospital beds for people to die in.
How long have we been inside? Does anyone care anymore? There are millions of people who never spent a day in quarantine anyway. There are millions of people who have spent everyday in quarantine, and will continue to wither in quarantine, because of the selfishness of the people who won’t. My mental and emotional health will continue to deteriorate because you choose not to wear a small piece of fabric. Maybe your freedoms aren’t being infringed upon, and you just need a fucking breath mint.
Also, how are people still writing in candidates who aren’t on the ballot? In fact, ‘candidates’ is too formal a word. We didn’t learn from the thousands of votes for ‘Harambe’ in 2016? Swing states that usually swing blue swung red last year by a few thousand votes. Trump narrowly lost the popular vote, and even with his loss, it still didn’t matter. Between thousands of people wasting their votes and even more people not voting at all, our country’s citizens and global reputation have suffered catastrophic political, social, and economic consequences.
What I’m saying is, our way of life, psychological and physical wellness, and future, are all being dictated by people who think the Earth is shaped like a frisbee. It’s enough to make you lose your last shred of sanity. At least that’s how I feel.
Stefania D'Andrea is a prose and comedy writer from Queens, NY. She is one of the original staff readers for the literary magazine Cagibi, where she edits and reviews works of fiction and non-fiction. Her first short story, In Her Head, is published in the 12th issue of Newtown Literary. Many of her comedy sketches have been performed at the People's Improv Theatre (PIT) in New York City in 2018 and 2019. Stefania received her B.A. in English, with a concentration in Creative Writing, from the Macaulay Honors College at CUNY Hunter in 2017.
