Spotlight: Trans and Non-Binary Empowerment and Joy

Hello and Happy Pride! Let’s celebrate those who deserve to be celebrated.

Denounce heterosexual CEOs’ and showrunners’ annual empty vows to hire queer people and boost queer voices. Refuse to divulge in companies’ and corporations’ annual rainbow capitalism. Fight against our peers being used as props of diversity and inclusivity. Most importantly, support, uplift, and advocate for people in the queer community. Do all of these not just this month, but every month.

I had the honor of speaking with six talented trans and non-binary creators. We discussed society’s focus on trauma, becoming empowered, and finding joy. Please see the following Q&A’s and follow their projects to support their incredible content:

Nika

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

When I first began transitioning, I decided to be extremely open about my journey as a trans woman and I did this through posting about it on social media, mainly through Instagram. What felt cathartic at first quickly turned into me only receiving an outpouring of attention and parasocial love because I was sharing stories of traumatic experiences related to my transness. I think that trauma-based storytelling is a trap that marginalized people easily fall into and it becomes an exhausting process when you begin to realize that people are only interested in the sad parts of your life. I stopped doing this and now I choose to only share the parts of my life that are filled with joy. Trauma is marketable; unfortunately, happiness is not, and I see this applied to trans women so often.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

I’m not entirely sure how we can make that shift happen. I think individuals have to make that choice and help along the process themselves and that happens through individual storytelling. One major thing I see happen a lot is the idea that when a trans person comes out, part of them has died in order for the new part of themselves to exist. The idea that when a trans person comes out we have to mourn the other part of them is perverse and upsetting and is completely based in trauma and it’s something I’ve struggled with in the past and have now worked to move on from. There wasn’t a part of me that died when I came out and I didn’t lose any of myself, rather, I just became a fuller and more empowered version of the person I had always been.

What makes you feel empowered?

When I meet other trans people who share that my openness and joy inspires or has inspired them to be themselves, that makes me feel empowered. Beyond that just being myself loudly and proudly is empowering. I feel most empowered when I walk through this world as an unapologetic woman who lays claim to my womanhood. My womanhood as a trans woman is not in opposition to cis women and their experiences of womanhood and understanding that over the last 5 years of my journey as an out trans woman has made me feel extremely empowered.

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

I want to see more trans joy, more trans mediocrity, and more trans people telling their own stories. I want to see less trans exceptionalism, less trans tragedy being peddled through the media, and less cis people telling trans stories. Let us lay claim to our stories, to our lives, and celebrate us while we are still here, instead of only paying attention to us once we have died.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

There isn’t any right way to transition. There are no rules that you need to follow and your transition is going to look different than someone else’s. There’s this idea that you have to do things in the right order: go on hormones, change your name, perform your gender in a specific or perfectly binary way. Your transition should just be about you learning to feel comfortable within yourself. Try to give yourself the space to figure it out one step at a time, because it’s a long process and you have to handle yourself with love and care.

Please expound upon what you want to call attention to:

I’d really love to see trans people of color have their voices amplified, their stories heard, and for the community as a whole to center trans people of color in any and all fights for trans liberation and trans rights.

Tori:

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

There's always a place for that. On two levels; first, that's simply life. That's reality. Trauma and pain and tragedy are parts of the human experience. They are stories that should be honored because no matter how far we get in the fight (whatever fight that is, really), there will be someone who, past or present, had a fucking hard go of being alive and I want them to feel like heroes, too. Second, I never want to silence or censor an artist, but most especially if they're a member of a marginalized community telling a story about that marginalization. Period. Make the art you want.

That all being said, trauma cannot be the singular vehicle with which we break into the mainstream.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

With the art. With meaningful examples of out and happy people flooding the airwaves. I don't even think we need coming out to be a part of the equation in the ratio it is now! To change something in a way that finds itself changing lives, show happy out folks living happy out lives. Make us characters in your tv shows, your commercials, your print ads, your novels, etc. Make us innocuous. Make us your equals. Make us ubiquitous. Make us visible in ways that exist outside of telling stories of marginalization.

What makes you feel empowered?

The same things that make anyone feel empowered. The exact same. And then there's a little bit of extra spice I always have to search for. Going a whole conversation without someone having to apologize for misgendering me. Having a friend correct someone misgendering me without me having to do it. Someone using all of my pronouns. Being called in for specifically trans or non-binary roles. And this is a little...niche? But honestly just existing outside in beautiful weather without having to be seen or perceived as anything but alive. I love being visibly and nominally what I am, but that gets heavy sometimes. It requires a lot of correction, a lot of work, a lot of decision making, a lot of making sacrifices in the name of "good" visibility--to be alive without having to fight reminds me of what the future might look like.

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

More joyful trans sex. More joyful trans dating. More joyful trans workplaces. More joyful trans friendships. More hilarious trans people. More hilarious trans lives. More joyful trans people. More joy. More full.

Less straight people. Honestly. Much love to you all but you're saturating the market here ;)

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

Your journey exists to serve you and your peace. Your journey exists to serve you and your peace. There are no rules. There are no right or wrong ways to be who you are. All the rules are made up and the points don't matter. I promise. I promise.

Amethyst:

Project links:
TikTok: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMevg2o7T/

Facebook: www.facebook.com/amethystbarroncomedy
www.facebook.com/nooksmilesticket
www.facebook.com/mxmakeupwitch

YouTube / Comedy: https://youtube.com/channel/UCoo0WVEZcv_wtxW_PME2lyg

Mx. Make-Up Witch: https://youtube.com/channel/UCUo9nAY89jL31jMLieM1AZg

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

Overall, I do think it is generally powerful and has its place. It's just that when it comes to trans representation, it's overwhelmingly true that trans characters and celebrities get represented in that context way too often. Yes, there is some trauma in transitioning for most people. But more often than not, that trauma is a direct result of other people or institutions misunderstanding or vilifying trans people. I have long felt that more diverse trans experiences need to be represented, including (and especially), trans joy.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

I think making visible the trans love, trans joy, trans empowerment, etc. that already exists is a huge piece of this work.

What makes you feel empowered?

Right now, as I have been struggling pretty badly with my health due to Covid, it's doing make-up and Wicca. I think the make-up gives me a sense of agency and control over my body, especially when otherwise health and embodiment feels completely out of my control. I think it's more than that, though. I only really started to enjoy make-up at all since coming out as non-binary. I think, for me, as an AFAB [Assigned Female At Birth] person, it felt like some compulsory chore for so long.

Then after I had been non-binary for a while, I actually started to enjoy playing with make-up a bit. It started with bold lipsticks. Then, a cousin called me one night and told me I can't be non-binary because I wear lipstick sometimes. And I guess, for me, that actually just emboldened me to experiment further with make-up. I loathe gatekeeping and I loathe being told what to do. But getting so sick with long-haul Covid and not being physically capable of most activities I really enjoy, finally pushed me to start watching beauty YouTubers. I learned a lot of amazing techniques, but I also learned that they weren't all these perfect mainstream models types either. So, I guess long story short, I am also a millennial and I'm not sure if I will ever fully recover from this, so I figured maybe I could turn it into something that could provide some financial support eventually.

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

More disabled, BIPOC, fat, neurodivergent, and mad trans characters. More trans love, more trans joy, more trans empowerment.

Less tragic trans characters.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

I guess the biggest thing that comes to mind is that not everyone will understand or support it. But you will find people who do, so keep looking. And you will also experiencing gatekeeping (even from within the queer community). Both of these things will be heartbreaking. But seek out empowering trans representation and trans family. Be yourself anyways. It will always be worth it in the end.

How has your gender identity influenced your work?

It has definitely influenced a lot of my comedy. I have some jokes about gender and sexuality that I really like. I don't think I would enjoy make-up enough to be pursuing it the way that I currently am if I never came out. Coming out (for me) definitely squashed a lot of my idea about who I was expected to be and what I was expected to do. It's given me an opportunity to explore gender expression and performativity on so many ways. For me, being non-binary means I don't really identify as being a man or a woman, so there was (again, for me) a lot of power and freedom in that.

What have you learned about yourself since coming out?

I have learned that a lot of my self-limiting beliefs were just not true. I am so many different things I never thought I would feel confident being.

Sophie:

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

In some ways it's good, having a character go through similar things to you can help you heal. I've experienced this watching shows and reading books but often some characters are written as trauma porn. That creates a problem both in making me want to continue reading, but also in terms of making me care about the character's world. If the character is horribly abused and is still tasked with saving the world, why would I want them to save the world? Their world sucks! You have to have light in the dark.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

Simple, cisgender people need to accept they are our oppressors. So many narratives don't focus on queer and trans empowerment because showing that empowerment would challenge too much. They spend all this time focusing on bullying, on transphobia and very little on the joy of finding a new family, of the community that can be forged if you're queer. In learning that, yes you are beautiful despite how many people make jokes about vomiting at the thought of sleeping with someone like you (looking at you, Seth MacFarlane). That society wants you to feel like you must look cisgender and you can reject that.

What makes you feel empowered?

Not hiding my body, just wearing sexy clothes, and not caring that people can see my bulge. Like, "Yes, McKayla, I got a dick and I'm prettier than you!" Casting off the expectations that I dress femme, that I date cisgender people, and the fact I am sexual but I don't let myself be fetishized.

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

I want to see trans people living their lives, dating people, and not having to have a tragic backstory or focusing on surgeries. I want to see trans for trans relationships. I want trans mediocrity, and most importantly I want to see Caitlyn Jenner shut up.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

If your parents aren't supportive, find a way to not rely on them and leave. Family is replaceable. The people in my chosen family are kinder to me, more considerate and make better food than my white as fuck family ever could.

Please expound upon what you want to call attention to:

Trans liberation is greater than assimilation. Focusing on parents berating you, jobs firing you, or dates rejecting you just makes transness seem bleak. Like you have to conform and even then, your life will be painful. Trans joy is rejecting everything society says. From beauty standards to what love and family are.

The first time I went down on another trans woman, I finally saw myself as pretty because she was a goddess and her body was like my body. If you are so focused on t-slurs and surgery scars, you miss things like an AMAB [Assigned Male At Birth] trans femme having her first time on hormones and how life changing that is. If you focused on my parents’ rejection of me, you'd miss the supportive network of Nonbinary skate queers I call friends. They have supported me so much and have brought so much joy to my life. Stop focusing on a friend having a hard time "getting over" my new name and pronouns. Start showing trans people leaving that shit friend and finding some queers to do witchy stuff with.

How has your gender identity influenced your work?

Almost every life experience I have now ends up touching my transness. So my comedy is a celebration of it. I literally tell audiences that women have better dicks than men and it feels amazing every time I tell that joke. I took being strip searched by the TSA for being trans and turned it into a celebration of my body.

What have you learned about yourself since coming out?

That trying to assimilate ended up feeling like I was trapped in a different closet.

Leo

Name: Leo
Pronouns: He/him/his
Gender identity: Trans Man
Professions: Actor, writer, and engineer
Social media: @beelineowls on Instagram
Consistent projects: @queerwindow on Instagram, @thearmorycomedy on Instagram
Upcoming projects: Character Shows 6/3 and 6/10 via The Armory Comedy

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

Trauma-based storytelling is how I have processed a lot of my experiences. Being able to talk about my life and the not so great parts made it easier to understand how those experiences had impacted me and closed me off. I also found that once I started to share those pieces, it was easier to listen to stories of other people and find more in common with people than I had previously. It's definitely a double-edged sword, but I found it to be really helpful to start improving my perception of myself and the world around me.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

Along the lines of storytelling, I think it starts with representation - changing the narratives of Queer stories to show empowered, confident characters rather than the same "I'm scared of coming out" arc time and time again. I think we've reached a point where we can start moving the story forward so the story doesn't end at coming out, but we get to see the confidence or even the accomplishments/challenges that come after coming out. Another aspect of it is elevating Queer narratives or supporting Queer stories being shared whether that be on social media or in entertainment/literature/etc.

What makes you feel empowered?

For me, finding a community was hugely empowering, meeting people who were open-minded, people who had come out before me and were proud/confident, people who were accepting rather than just tolerant was a big thing. Having role models and being able to follow some footsteps, then starting to tread my path beyond that is massively empowering. Being able to share my experiences, especially through comedy, has also been empowering - taking something painful or scary and turning it into a joke, there's no feeling like it.

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

Always want to see more of Elliot Page and I'm a big fan of transition videos on YouTube. As for less, I want less "I'm so proud of you, you're so brave." I understand where it's coming from, but it makes me feel out of place in the world instead of just being another guy living his life.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

Everyone is different, your journey is about what is best for you and I guarantee there is someone out there who will support you or at least be there to hear you out.

How has your gender identity influenced your work?

Since coming out, I feel much more comfortable sharing my work and writing what I want. I am much less worried about writing something perfect and find it easier to share what I have in my head.

What have you learned about yourself since coming out?

I can be really, really good looking.

Andie

What are your thoughts on trauma-based storytelling?

It can be healing to process trauma through story-telling, but it takes time to develop stories that can be expressed in a way that doesn't re-traumatize an audience.

How do you believe our society's conversations around coming out can shift from trauma to empowerment?

My hope for society is that we can grow to be more empathetic and caring for other people, wherever they are on their journeys. However, empathy, conversation, and representation can only take us so far. I believe that by investing in people and communities, we can uplift and empower the next generation of queer children so they can build a better world than the one we've known so far.

Most media is produced by and for straight people. Meanwhile, who's in your writer's room? Who's greenlighting these ideas? If you wanna be about it, then be about it, 365 days.

What makes you feel empowered?

When friends ask for and then take my advice. When I successfully execute a project. Having a good set. Being the tallest bitch in the room!

What and who do you want to see more of? What and who do you want to see less of?

I want to see more queer brown and black representation and love. I want to see characters who are curious about exploring their gender identities and encouraged to do so by their community. I want to see less queer baiting and less white gay men being the sole focus of mainstream representation.

Do you have any words of wisdom for people who recently came out and/or are beginning their transition?

You are so much closer to being who you truly are.

Stefania D'Andrea is a prose and comedy writer from Queens, NY. She is one of the original staff readers for the literary magazine Cagibi, where she edits and reviews works of fiction and non-fiction. Her first short story, *In Her Head,* is published in the 12th issue of *Newtown Literary.* Many of her comedy sketches have been performed at the People's Improv Theatre (PIT) in New York City in 2018 and 2019. Stefania received her B.A. in English, with a concentration in Creative Writing, from the Macaulay Honors College at CUNY Hunter in 2017.

Spotlight: Trans and Non-Binary Empowerment and Joy

Nika

Tori:

Amethyst:

Sophie:

Leo

Andie

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