the year of consistency
The word of the year is consistency. I need to be more consistent with my dreams, more consistent with my words, and more consistent in my relationship with God. Many of us are too proud to admit when we have fallen off. We all tend to point the finger rather than look to ourselves.
Consistency is a word that has been floating in my head for months now. It is defined as “Acting or done in the same way over time, especially so as to be fair or accurate.” For some people in 2020, the only thing that was consistent was disappointment and heartbreak. I believe we can all identify areas of our lives where we can be more consistent, whether it's going to the gym or being more consistent with our dreams. I think the most important one is being more consistent with love; loving each other, loving ourselves.
I could give you a textbook definition, but you could look that up yourself. I define loving yourself by pushing and developing yourself each and every day, celebrating your wins and also learning from your losses. I also believe that forgiving yourself is one of the purest, most important forms of self love. Forgiving yourself of bad decisions, failed expectations is tough, but who ever said love or loving yourself is easy. I struggle with the forgiving yourself part. I demand a lot from myself and have high expectations for the man I want to be. But like everyone else I am human and therefore capable of error. I do take solace in the fact that God is always ready to forgive me as long as I come clean to him, but I wish I was as welcoming to myself as God is with me. I wish at times I would allow myself to be human just as I allow other people to be. I need to learn that whenever I make a mistake, as in say something I don’t mean or make a wrong decision, I’m still growing and learning and most importantly God isn’t done working on me yet. I think we can all agree we are just clay that God is forever molding and smoothing out.
Men carry the burden of being unable to showcase our emotions or communicating them the same ways we are encouraged to showcase our money or boast about our achievements. The truth is, us men are taught that a sign of emotion is a sign of weakness and a sign of weakness is a crack in the clay of perfection that we try to create and maintain.
I strive to produce my own clay of perfection each day. A clay that consists of love, positive energy, and forgiveness. I strive to be the best version of myself, and still I, too, am plagued with being human. As men, we know the expectations that society has for us as well as the expectations that we have for ourselves. When we fall short it's as if we are hit with a double shot of disappointment. I get lazy, I procrastinate on my dreams and put things off that I should have already done. Do you see why the word “consistency” has been in my head? I’ve even been inconsistent with my writing, something that is near and dear to my heart. Do I have all the answers? Hell naw, I’m as lost as any other 25-year-old man or woman.
This year I’m just going to give effort, consistent effort. I will put consistent effort into friendships, love, my community, my family, and my relationship with God. So, maybe the word of the year isn’t just consistency, but rather consistent effort. I’m a young man trying to walk a consistent path to God’s purpose for me. I know some may wonder why I always shout God out or put him in my writings. If I’m being honest I would have to say that all though I mess up each day and fall into sinful habits, I never stop feeling his Grace and his love upon me. Unlike myself he knows how to love me and knows all my weak points. He knows the time and date when I’m going to mess up before I even do and he still chooses to love me. So, in my mind and my spirit I always say “If God can forgive me for all my transgressions, little ole me should be able to forgive myself.” If God can love me in spite of all my flaws, I too can love myself.
-X
X is a writer based out of Central California. He draws inspiration from conversations with friends and his own personal experiences. His passion for writing stems from the need to change his thoughts into something tangible that can be felt and experienced. He strives to find new ways to tell his stories and the stories of others. He also aspires to show people that we are more alike than we are different.
